I couldn't get my New Year's message on paper ...
The muse was visiting somewhere else ...
Apparently I had a big jump to make first ...
Last week I made a tough decision.
It was a rough ride of yes and no and yet again yes and yet again no more ...
What a lot of excuses a person pulls out to not do something.
The bigger the challenge, the longer the list.
There really seemed to be no end to it.
Until I started digging into the underlying fear: the fear of letting myself down!
Do you recognize that fear?
Letting yourself down...
Not standing up for what you really want / desire?
Not standing up for what you consider important / valuable?
Not bringing up what is needed?
The times I let myself down passed in review....
It made me painfully sad.
Would I go for what I wanted or would the terror hold me back?
Could I muster what it would take to keep focus for a year?
Do those things every day/week to achieve my goal?
Can I trust myself to do that?
Will I not let myself down?
Quite honestly, I couldn't just answer yes to that.
My biggest fear and equally my biggest pain.
I had to leave behind the smaller me who did not see that big jump.
A second painful realization. A part of myself that I had cherished all those years,
that had my best interests at heart, to leave behind...
Going for what I really wanted required a major growth spurt.
Could I allow a greater vision for myself?
Embody even more the baseline of my own business than I already did?
Empower Yourself to Rise!
Now - several days later - I look back on that whole process as "death and rebirth.
A grim death and a vulnerable rebirth.
It feels like a catharsis. Tired, lived but also grateful and fulfilled.
I am deeply grateful for the challenge, the process and the great growth spurt I was able to make.
It required staying close to myself, listening to what was on the inside.
Knowing and trusting that I must take the step to make the next one visible.
It will be a wonderful 2023 !
That is what I wholeheartedly wish for you too.
May 2023 truly be a miraculous year for you!
Very warmly,
Ruth
PS: Do you recognize that feeling of letting yourself down: small or big?
From not keeping your "no more sugar in the week" resolution to
not standing up for yourself enough in a relationship or at work?
Leave me a comment. I'd love to hear about it!